So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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