just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I can't turn off my feet"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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