I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
