sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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