fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
