remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Operation Purity has been aborted
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize