o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Less talking, more tequila
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
