the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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