College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
i now understand why vodka
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
