I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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