At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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