I just threw up on my dentist
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
