Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
