Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
