I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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