wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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