I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
