I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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