Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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