It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
