I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
