Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
