Will you blow on my dice?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
