forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
