She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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