I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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