my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
