shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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