Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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