yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I want to walk on stilts...naked
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
