We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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