I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize