and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Randomize
