You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
