my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
