i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize