Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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