yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
