Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize