TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
