help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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