i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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