Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize