Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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