I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
