My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
