He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
my being single is dangerous.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
