just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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