hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
