shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
