His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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