I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
