I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize