you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize