So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
