i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i think i have two assholes
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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