I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
