how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
