it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
