I accidentally burped into my bong.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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