Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
