I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I am available for nakedness
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
