Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize