btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
