I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
