I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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