OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize