I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize