I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
