Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
