I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
That accounts for only three of the penises
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
