I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
