I just saw a hot homeless man
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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