If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
