i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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