There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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