In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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