Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
