Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
