Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
