birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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