I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
