Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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