birth control should be required to get into college
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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