if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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