arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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