I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize