I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
