Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
