Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
