I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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