Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
