If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I have already put on my inside pants.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
