She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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