and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
