I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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